The 2015 UK General Election is obviously a big deal – a constant stream of junk mail finds its way through your letterbox and into the recycling (which the Green Party encourages, bless their souls), the cold dead eyes of politicians seem to follow you everywhere you go and all you see is a combination of elegantly designed political party logos and an ugly yellow-and-purple poundstretcher sign. I can only imagine that this eyesore is designed to represent how much we all hate the Euro, and appeal to us as we go out in our lower class masses to buy cans of caffeine drinks from our local poundshops.
I don’t for a second think that voting is unimportant, we’ve fought long and hard for everyone to be entitled to a vote and people with the audacity to not bother should be smacked upside the head with a wet fish, but I do feel a bit glum going out and voting for empty promises that we all know aren’t going to be kept- we’re just coming out of our shells in this occasional show of political interest to make sure the least despotic weirdo is put in charge of our interests.
Which leads me to this magnificent list!
TOP 3 REASONS WHY I’M GLAD UKIP ARE A MINORITY:
1. THAT TIME NIGEL FARAGE BLAMED BEING STUCK IN TRAFFIC ON IMMIGRANTS
After turning up too late to attend a ‘meet the leaders’ conference in Port Talbot, where some poor suckers had actually spent money for the privilige of meeting him, he declared that it wasn’t because he should have set out earlier like everyone else who’s ever been on the M4 but it was in fact:
“That is nothing to do with professionalism, what it does have to do with is a population that is going through the roof chiefly because of open-door immigration and the fact that the M4 is not as navigable as it used to be.”
That’s right. Those damn immigrants who pay taxes for road maintenance are using our roads!! Bastards.
2. GODFREY BLOOM HATING ON ‘BONGOBONGO LAND’
I resent sending tax payer money there too Godfrey, mostly because it’s not a real place. I’m just amazed that someone who sounds so intelligent is actually that stupid generally, geographically and politically.
3. IT’S RAINING GAYS!
My particular favourite of all the UKIP fails, is the utter prat that is David Silvester and his crazy rant that David Cameron and committed homosexual couples were the cause of natural distasters.
“It is his fault that large swathes of the nation have been afflicted by storms and floods.” – David Silvester
I can’t really go on about that one without cringe-ing, it’s just so deliciously awful that someone like that is allowed to speak without running it past a grownup first.
So yep, that’s my twopence worth on the election and why I’m glad that though my party didn’t win the majority, I couldn’t be happier that UKIP had even poorer results.